OK.I admit it it was stupid,stupid and desperate.Now he knows i like him and he can play around with my emotions and make a total fool of me.Oh why why did i not just keep my cool and pretend i dont care if he calls or not instead of calling him and asking-You will cringe when i say it..."is there any chance of seeing you today? Oh my God i want to die with shame just thinking about it now,what is wrong with me?! i dont do this.
And do you want to know what he said? you will die a thousand shame deaths for me.He said he was BUSY but he would give me a call when he gets some time... I WANT TO DIE! am so embarrassed,so shamed...what in God's name was that!
You see the thing is,i used to work at this place where at a certain hour of everyday i was required to be at a certain place doing a certain something and i would keep running into him and he from the first day would ask me when we were to do coffee but we never quite got to it coz he never asked for my number.
I moved from that place of work about two months ago and he was out of my mind til about three weeks ago when we ran into each other on a city street and he gave me his number and asked that we do lunch.So we did and it was Good.We met again later that weeka nd it was good too.We were to meet again on a friday but he had to travel and from that day its been weird.I seem to be the one calling or sms'ing i almost feel like i am stalking the man! then on sunday we talk (after i called him) and later on spend the whole evening flirting seriously by sms.It was agreed we would meet the following day for lunch but it wasnt meant to be.He got unwell in the night and had to go to hospital,so he said he would call me when he left the hospital...he did not.Later in the evening he callede to say he had dozed off after coming from hospital..The next day he was busy at work,and the next and the next,my messages went unaswered and my calls not picked so Me and my crazy head asks him to tell me if i had put him off but he says not so,he was just busy at work sorting a crisis..he would give me a call.That was yesterday.No call.Sent two meassages .One in the evening and another this morning,no response so i call and he says he has just left the hospital after being treated for food poisoning..and then we get cut off,i dont have enough money on my mobile to complete the call and i want to DIE.Anyway,i get to town and top up and call him back and guess what i say? 'Are you at home or did you manage to go to work? and he says he is in town but has a few things and assignments to do and i put the dreadful question "is there any chance of seeing you today?"
I WANT TO DIE! wehat is wrong with me? clearly the man is terrified of me.He must think am a compulsive obssesive crazy clinger type of woman and i actually feel like one at the moment-What to do??
Am going to dig a deep hole and Bury myself til i die from it,i will never be able to show my face again! i could die from the shame! THE SHAME!"